Spicy Bananas, Safe Banter: What ER Nurses Taught Us About Pleasure, Panic, and Owning Your Body

Let’s be real. If personalities were products, one of us said it best:
“I guess in a way I could be a butt plug, because I can be a pain in the ass.”
That’s the Spicy Bananas energy: cheeky, useful, and built to keep things exactly where they should be.

Hi ladies, and legends of all stripes. You are listening to the Spicy Bananas Podcast, where nothing is off limits and everything is on the table. We are B1 (Ness) and B2 (Kelly), two mates who have spent years behind an adult store counter hearing every awkward question under the sun. Now we are taking those conversations to the mic. No shame, just straight talk.

This episode, we brought on two guns who straddle both worlds.

Emma. Emergency nurse for eight years who spent the last year deep in adult retail. Big on practical sexual education that actually helps.
Trish. Newer in the ED at one and a half years, and a veteran of the adult industry for nineteen years. Holistic, compassionate, and forensic about safety.

Here is the truth. ED and adult retail overlap more than you think. When people do not understand their bodies, their toys, or their limits, they end up where Emma and Trish work, and it is not for a cheeky chat.

The Crossover You Do Not See: ED Triage vs Adult Store Triage

ED reality check from Em and Trish:
Foreign objects are more common than the memes suggest. It is not “weird.” It is a lack of information, plus embarrassment and improvisation.

Adult store reality from B1 and B2:
There is a product for nearly every curiosity, designed for the body, safe for the material, and fit for purpose. The difference between a great night and a hospital visit is education.

Shared mission:
Ask the right questions fast. Remove shame. Reduce risk. Help people feel good in their own skin.

From Microphones to “Anacondas.” A Translation Guide

You asked, “What looks like a microphone and is unisex?”
That is a wand. External. Powerful. Brilliant for everyone. Clitoris, perineum, lower back, shoulders. Your body is one system.

Those big anacondas from the corner shop are funny as nostalgia. They are not funny as equipment. Food, cords, non-tempered glass, magnets, bottles. Hard no. If it did not come from a reputable adult manufacturer for the exact orifice you are targeting, with a proper base or flare, a safe finish, and a body safe material, do not put it there.

Golden rule: if it is not designed for the body part and the direction you are using it, you are gambling with your health.

The Three Biggest Problems, and the Fix

Wrong thing, wrong place
Fix: purpose built toys only. Medical grade silicone, stainless steel, or body safe ABS. Flared base for anything that can migrate. No kitchen drawer tech.
Right thing, wrong use
Fix: technique and lube. Water based or hybrid for most toys. Silicone lube for certain play, but not with silicone toys. Start low, let arousal and your nervous system catch up.
Hiding the problem
Fix: if something is stuck or symptoms appear, such as pain, swelling, bleeding, fever, or trouble passing, tell triage exactly what and when. Sooner is safer.

Confidence Is Not a Vibe. It Is a Skill.

Body confidence. Wear cuts that flatter, not fight. We will be honest about fit. It is love, not judgement.
Pleasure confidence. Solo practice is not selfish. It is instructional. Show your partner what works.
Conversation confidence. Five minutes of clear talk beats five months of frustration. Say what you like, what you are curious about, and what you do not want.

Tools We Actually Recommend, Because They Work

Air pleasure stimulators, the tapping ones. External, focused, strong success rate, adaptable for nipples and frenulum.
Wands, the microphone. Universal, powerful, couple friendly. A Swiss Army tool for sensation.
Rabbits, dual stimulation. Inside and outside coordination for blended sensations.
Pumps, rings, and coaching for ED. Dignity first, results second. Silence helps no one.
Quality lube. This is not optional. Choose the right base and viscosity for comfort, performance, and safety.

No, there is not a universal toy. There is a universal approach. Assess, fit, teach, and support.

Say the Product Without Saying the Product. Game Highlights

Looks like a mic, works on everyone. Wand.
It “sucks,” really taps, lives on the clitoris, can visit nipples and frenulum. Air pleasure stim.
Two arms, two motors, inside and outside. Rabbit.
“I could be a butt plug.” Because some of us are a lovable pain, and base and flare exist for a reason.

What People Should Talk About More, But Do Not

Men and erection issues. It is common. Talk to us early. Tools and tactics exist.
Men in lingerie. If it is for you, say it. We can fit you properly.
Young people and zero guidance. Curiosity without education lands in ED. Fix this with braver conversations at home.

ED Fast Track. When Honesty Saves Time and Pain

If you put something somewhere it should not be, say it plainly. Time matters. Material matters. The story you do not tell slows your care and raises your risk. Nurses do not care what it looks like. They care that you are safe.

Hygiene and Shelf Life. Stop Doing This

Old lube. If it is older than your last phone upgrade, bin it.
Old toys. Sticky surface, hairline cracks, unknown materials. Retire it.
Cleaning. Follow manufacturer guidance. Use proper toy cleaners or mild, appropriate soaps. Dry thoroughly. Store sensibly.

If You Are Unsure About Your Body or Pleasure

Call a reputable adult store and ask for guidance. We will give you options to explore safely. No judgement.
Set a simple goal. More time, more intensity, less discomfort. We will match tools and technique.
Start external. Lower stakes, faster wins, easier communication.
Check your gear. Replace mystery plastics and expired lube. Buy one trusted, body safe item you understand.

Five Minute Couple Script. Steal This

Here is what consistently works for me.
Here is what I am curious to try.
Green lights, yellow lights, red lights.
Signals if we need to pause.
Two minute debrief after.

Short. Clear. Grown up.

The Spicy Bananas Challenge. This Week

Solo. Learn one new sensation with proper lube and low lighting.
Couples. Add a wand or air pleasure stim to foreplay, talk during, debrief after.
Safety. Audit your drawer. Toss expired products. Replace with one body safe, purpose built item.

Parting Shots, With Love and Zero Shame

We do not care if it looks different. We care that you are healthy, safe, and heard.
We do not resell returned toys. Ever. Faulty units get recorded and destroyed.
Nurses see everything. They are not judging. Honesty gets you helped faster.

Yes, a wand looks like a microphone, because sometimes the body needs a headliner.

If This Hit Home

If you laughed, learned, or felt seen, follow the Spicy Bananas Podcast and drop a quick five star rating. It helps other shy legends find us. Got a question you are nervous to ask? Send it in. We will answer it straight, with no fluff and no shame, and with better outcomes.

🎧 Listen to the full episode now:
👉 When Your Nurse Knows More Than Your Bedroom Partner
– Episode 2