Girl Dad Energy, Co-Parenting That Works, and Dating Without the Drama: JP Marsh on Choosing Better (For You and Your Kid)
Here’s the deal. Most people stumble through breakups, fumble co-parenting, and then drag their baggage into the next relationship like it is a carry-on. JP Marsh does not have time for that. He is a 42-year-old single dad in a town of 6,000, raising a 10-year-old daughter, running construction days, coaching nights, and choosing the women he lets into his life with ruthless intent. Not because he is cold. Because he is a dad first.
Welcome to Spicy Bananas. We are B1 and B2. We worked the adult store counter for years, heard every awkward confession under fluorescent lights, and now we put the real talk on the mic. Body confidence, sexuality, relationships, and all the juicy bits in between. Today’s theme. How to go from conflict to collaboration in co-parenting. How to date without detonating your life. How to raise a girl with a nonsense filter set to max.
Meet JP. Single dad. Rural. No bar scene. No BS.
- Status: Single dad, one daughter, age 10
- Location: Rural community, where everyone knows everyone
- Work: Construction 40 to 50 hours per week, plus coaching 20 to 30 hours per week
- Backstory: Stopped numbing with booze, did the inner work, built a life with structure and intention
- Co-parenting: Moved from friction to a friendly blended setup with his ex. Barbecues, recitals, holidays, and school events together without drama
“I am a lot more aware and a lot more mindful of the types of women that I bring into my life. She has a mom. But every woman who comes near us is an influence. If she is toxic, it is a deal breaker.”
Translation. Standards are not picky. They are protection.
The Rural Reality. Small pool, big selectivity
Dating in a tiny town without the bar scene means you do not accidentally meet your person between shots of tequila. You meet through people you trust, or not at all. That is by design. When you are raising a daughter, random chaos is not charming. It is a risk vector.
What this teaches:
- If you do not need a relationship to feel whole, you choose better.
- The right person values a stable routine more than a thrilling train wreck.
- Quality beats quantity. Every time.
How He Built a Working Co-Parenting Setup
The short answer: he grieved the breakup, did the work, and stopped using the legal system as a means to settle disputes.
The long answer:
- Grieve it like a death. Until you let the old relationship go, every interaction is filtered through anger and betrayal.
- Refuse the court drama trap. Adversarial processes provoke finger-pointing and re-traumatizing. Do not let the system set your tone.
- Align on values, not vibes. Screen time, food, bedtimes, and chores. Keep it close enough in both houses to prevent “Mom’s fun and Dad’s strict” games.
- Meet new partners before they meet the kid. Family rule. If it is serious enough to bring them around the child, the other parent meets them first.
- Keep proximity helpful. In a small town, the kid can move between houses easily. Less friction. More flexibility.
Mistakes outsiders make. “We only have to tolerate each other until the kid turns 18.” Wrong. You will share graduations, weddings, births, holidays, and grief for life.
The Dating Filter. Boundaries that actually protect your peace
JP’s non-negotiables are simple and strong:
- Healed, or do not apply. If you are still at war with your ex, your chaos bleeds into his life.
- Respect the co-parent channel. “Why do you talk to your ex so much?” is a tell. Co-parenting is parenting, not flirting.
- Action over words. Talk is cheap. Consistency is priceless.
If that sounds too strict, enjoy your regular program of jealousy, ultimatums, and triangulation. For grownups, this is basic operational hygiene.
Girl Dad Playbook. Raising a daughter who can read people
- Actions beat words. If his words say “I care,” but his habits say “I do not,” trust the habits.
- Hard conversations are normal. Name needs. Set boundaries. Walk away from manipulation.
- Safety is a system. Parties, college, nights out. Do not rely on vibes. Rely on friends who actually show up.
- Dad is present. High father involvement correlates with lower teen risk across the board. Presence over presents.
Personal Upgrades. From numbing to ownership
JP drank to blur the edges from 15 through his early 30s. Then he quit the performance, did the inner work, and the bottle lost its grip. Not because he white knuckled it. Because he stopped needing it.
What changed:
- Morning routine: early bed, early rise around 4:30 to 5:00. Meditation, mind training, planning.
- Work rhythm: construction days, coaching nights. Clarity beats chaos.
- Daughter time: when she is with him, phone down and world off. Presence is the point.
If he could talk to his younger self. “Stop hiding. Do the work now. You will save your body, your mind, and a decade of damage.”
What Most People Get Wrong About Co-Parenting
- “It is only a thing if you are divorced.” Wrong. You co-parent inside marriages, too. Most couples never aligned on discipline, tech, money, or boundaries before the ring. You are co-parenting. You just called it arguing.
- “It ends at 18.” Also wrong. You are connected to life events and loss. Invest in a civil relationship now, or get ready to miss milestones later.
- “Different houses, different rules is fine.” Not when the kid learns to play you against each other. Aim for about 80 percent alignment. That last 20 percent will not sink the ship.
Scripts You Can Steal
1) The Co-Parent Reset
“Our kid needs us to be functional more than we need to be right. Let us pick three things to align on this month. Bedtime, tech limits, and homework rhythm. We can disagree on style, but we must be consistent on structure.”
2) Meeting a New Partner Before the Kid Does
“This is getting serious. As agreed, I want you to meet them before they are around our daughter. Here are three times that work. If anything feels off, say it early.”
3) Boundary With a New Date About Your Ex
“We talk regularly because we co-parent. That is not changing. If that is a problem, we are not a fit.”
4) Kid Safety Talk, Teen Version
“Your friends’ words mean nothing without actions. If your driver bails or someone drinks more than planned, call me. No shame, no lecture. I will pick you up.”
Red Flags You Do Not Negotiate With
- Jealousy about routine co-parent communication
- “Courts as weapons” energy
- Love bombing and future faking, then flaking
- “We will figure it out later,” around kids and boundaries
- Self-medication as a lifestyle, not a phase
If you see them, leave early. Regret compounds like interest.
The Playbook JP Lives By
- Grieve fully. Do not skip it.
- Audit yourself. Where are you: chaotic, avoidant, or controlling? Fix that first.
- Align the homes. Food, chores, tech, sleep.
- Vet partners slowly. Character over chemistry.
- Protect kid time. Be there, not just nearby.
- Keep routines. Boring is a superpower when you are raising a human.
- Choose community. Small circles, strong standards.
For Single Parents Dating Again. Reality check
- You are not too picky. You are responsible.
- You do not owe strangers access to your kid.
- Healed is not perfect. It is self-awareness plus accountability.
- If a partner resents your co-parenting health, they are telling you who they are. Believe them.
Final Word
Most people say they want peace, but they keep choosing chaos. JP shows that peace is a system. Standards, routines, aligned parenting, and a spine. If you are serious about building a life that does not blow up every six months, take the hint.
You do not need a bigger dating pool.
You need better filters and cleaner boundaries.
Listen In and Level Up
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🎧 Listen to the full episode now:
👉 Single Parent Life: How Co-Parenting Changed Everything
– Episode 3