Menopause Isn’t a Pause. It’s a Full-Body Revolution.
Welcome to Spicy Bananas, where nothing is off limits and everything is on the table. From confidence to connection, self-pleasure to reinvention, we go there. We are two adult-store veterans turned podcast troublemakers, and this one is for every woman who has ever felt invincible, exhausted, or underestimated after 40.
Guest: Lara Portelli
Titles aside, here is who she is: NLP practitioner, menopausal coach, speaker, and all-around badass who walked out of a 24-year marriage on her 50th birthday with the clothes on her back and a decision to start again. Not later. That day.
Lara’s message is simple. Midlife is not the downslope. It is a second act. Curtains on what was. Spotlight on what is next. No permission slips. No shrinking. No apologies.
The Click You Cannot Ignore
There is a day when the noise stops. Maybe you are standing at the sink. Maybe you are swimming laps, and an older woman says, “You are at the age.” Maybe you are staring at a blank screen, and you can feel the thought land in your bones.
Enough.
Enough being invisible.
Enough coercive control.
Enough performing “fine” while you are not.
Lara calls it the epiphany. Not hormones acting up. Not a “phase.” A hard pivot into a new chapter. You will doubt yourself. You will wonder if you should go back. You will miss the routine more than the relationship. Then you will pick a new pen, a new color, and start writing again.
Why We Still Whisper About Menopause
We were taught to be quiet. Our mothers and grandmothers were handed a paper bag and told to carry on. Sex ed was one packet of pills passed around and a vague line about “the change.” Then midlife hit, and the advice was “ride it out.”
Let’s be real. That is lazy and cruel.
- Women are getting misdiagnosed, labeled with everything from mood disorders to early dementia, while no one runs the right tests or asks the right questions.
- Too many clinicians still treat menopause like a personality problem instead of a biological transition with cultural and relational fallout.
- Men are left out of the education loop when they are often the first line of support at home.
We are done whispering. We are speaking plainly, publicly, and early. Teach cycles in teens. Teach circadian rhythms. Teach what estrogen does in the body and what happens when it is released. And yes, bring men into the conversation.
The Symptom Reality Check
Menopause is not one neat list. It is a rotating carousel. Some of the common hits:
- Hot flashes and cold sweats. Sometimes on the same couch.
- Sleep chaos. Awake every two hours for two hours.
- Memory lapses. Words fall out of your head mid-sentence.
- Irritability and the zero-tolerance switch.
- Joint pain, body aches, a metallic taste, migraines with aura, and ear weirdness.
- Lower natural lubrication and the friction fallout no one warned you about.
No, you are not crazy. No, you do not have to earn relief by suffering in silence. There are options. Hormonal. Non-hormonal. Lifestyle. Complementary. The point is fit, not fashion. If a clinician tells you to “ride it out,” ride out of that office and book with someone else.
The Men Who Show Up
We see it at the adult store counter every week. Husbands and partners walk in alone and say, “I need help. She is not herself, and I do not know what to do.” That is love. That is leadership. That is how we break the myth that menopause is a woman’s private burden.
Practical help matters. So does the way you speak. So does doing the dishes and handling life admin while she sleeps. Survival is a team sport.
The Second-Act Playbook
Let’s make this tactical. Here is a starter blueprint Lara uses with clients. Edit to fit your reality.
1) Know Your Numbers
Get proper testing and a clinician who listens. Track sleep, stress, cycle changes, triggers, and temperature swings. Data calms drama.
2) Build Your Team
You do not need one hero. You need a bench. Menopause-literate GP, women’s health clinic, pharmacist, naturopath, pelvic physio, therapist, or coach. If a provider does not hear you, replace them.
3) Decide on Relief
HRT is not 1990 anymore. Ask about modern protocols and your risk profile. If HRT is not for you, dig into non-hormonal meds, supplements with evidence, and daily practices that actually move the needle.
4) Sleep Like It’s Your Job
No sleep equals no coping capacity. Guard your bedtime routine. Cold room. Light off. Caffeine earlier. Magnesium if appropriate. Screens out. Boring audio in. Treat this like payroll, not a perk.
5) Move to Regulate
You are not training for punishment. You are training for regulation. Walk. Lift. Mobility. Short, smart sessions beat heroic bursts that break you for a week.
6) Cool Kit
Fan by the bed. Breath work that lengthens the exhale. Lightweight layers. Humor within arm’s reach.
7) Libido and Pleasure
Lubrication is not optional. It is essential. Start with a quality water-based lube that plays nicely with bodies and toys. Plant-based squalane can be a bonus for moisture. Solo exploration rebuilds confidence and control. You set the pace. You can stop anytime. That is power.
8) Communication Rules
Agree on a slow word and a stop word. Check in before, during, and after. “This still good?” counts as intimacy. So does “Not tonight, hold me.” The goal is safety, not performance.
9) Boundaries Without Apology
No is a complete sentence. If someone benefits from your constant yes, they will not enjoy your no. That is their adjustment, not your emergency.
10) Rituals That Rewire
Tiny, repeatable acts that signal the new era. A morning walk. A weekly strength session. A monthly dinner with women who get it. A boudoir shoot, if that lights you up. Lara calls it bodacious for a reason. Permission granted.
What Changes When Women Take Their Voices Back
Everything. The posture. The room presence. The glow. The old shame slides off, and what shows up is clean power. Not the blaring kind. The steady kind. The kind that says, “This is my truth. I will speak it without shaking. I will live it without apologizing.”
Lara has watched clients leave dangerous situations, restart careers, model for inclusive campaigns, and become the woman they needed at 20. The common thread is not perfection. It is ownership.
Hot Takes We Stand By
Menopause is not a cliff. It is a corridor. Walk it your way.
You are not losing your youth. You are gaining your power.
Crying after sex can be release, not shame. Bodies store emotion. Bodies let go.
People-pleasing is unlearned with practice. Start with small no’s and celebrate them.
If your GP shrugs, get a second opinion. And a third if needed.
Lube is love. For comfort. For safety. For pleasure. For daily moisture if dryness is your reality.
The Rebel Move That Frees You
Book the shoot. Buy the red lipstick. Pitch the talk. File the papers. Apply for the job. Say the thing you have swallowed for years. Wear a trench coat over confidence and nothing else. Lara calls it “cape on.” We call it Tuesday.
If You Are Struggling Right Now
You do not have to hold it all together. You do not have to keep everyone comfortable while you drown. Look in the mirror and tell the old rules to sit down.
You are not broken. You are temporarily misaligned. Alignment returns when you choose it, protect it, and repeat it.
Connect with Lara Portelli
- Website: laraportelli.com
- Facebook and LinkedIn: Lara Portelli
- Mini-Book Series on Amazon:
- Divorced at 50: Fuck What Now
- Stop Saying Fucking Sorry
- Uncage the Woman Who Actually Runs the Show
Check the show notes for links. If a title makes you clutch your pearls, that is a sign you should read it.
Final Word
Menopause is not a pause. It is a full-body revolution.
You are not auditioning anymore. You are headlining.
If this hit, share it with the woman who needs a spine-straightening reminder. Hit follow. Drop a spicy rating. Then go do one small, defiant thing that your first act would never allow.
Curtains closed. Curtain up.
🎧 Listen to the full episode now:
👉Divorce, Menopause & A Total Life Reset: Her Second Act Starts Here
– Episode 18