If Menopause Had a Pill, We’d Be at a Sporting Event
Let’s be real: if men went through menopause, there would already be a pill to cure it. It wouldn’t be a whispered secret. It would be a full-on sporting event. Jerseys. Tailgates. Corporate sponsors. “Hot Flash Stadium” is packed every weekend.
Instead, here we are. Women in midlife. Googling our way through the most bewildering, itchy, dry, hilarious, and sometimes crushing transformation of our bodies with about as much guidance as a treasure map drawn in crayon.
That is why we started talking. And laughing. And finally, podcasting. The only way to survive the absurdity is to drag it into the light, call it what it is, and add a little sass. Welcome to Hot Flashes and Bold Moves, where midlife is not “mission over.” It is mission spicier.
Midlife Isn’t a Slow Fade. It’s a Plot Twist.
Michelle walked out of a ten-year relationship and a business at once. Dana hit full menopause at 52. Both had the same “oh for f*ck’s sake” moment. Nobody told us it would be like this. Nobody prepared us for itching from the inside. Or for husbands thinking we are having an orgasm when we are just scratching our inner ear in our sleep.
This is reinvention in real life. It is not a Pinterest board. It is being 57, starting over, and realizing your life script is up for a rewrite. It is learning how to “throat punch” for self-defense while figuring out how to keep your libido alive. It is losing your brain-fogged phone, then finding your sense of humor.
Dryness, Libido, and Dumpster Sex
Here is the dry truth. Skin dryness. Vaginal dryness. Dry humor. The lube aisle is now a bigger part of life than Sephora. Some of us do not have that issue at all. For others, libido is the first casualty.
One of Dana’s old colleagues called after 15 years and opened with, “Do you still get wet?” Not a great icebreaker. When she suggested coconut oil, he said, “We are not in the bedroom.” Dumpster sex? The hood of a car? Our backs do not sign that waiver. Women our age plan. Keep lube nearby. Be intentional.
Meanwhile, the adult industry offers a full arsenal of toys, sleeves, and silicone gadgets. Not every woman needs them. Sometimes the real spark is communication. Or a quickie. Or a spicy text at noon that makes the 6 p.m. knockout session inevitable.
Aging Like Wine or Warm Milk
Here is the unfair bit. Men often age like wine. Salt and pepper hair. No makeup. Zero filters. Women are expected to age “gracefully” while hiding gray hair, hot flashes, and towel-wrapped dashes to the bathroom.
Dating after 50 can feel like roulette with Photoshop. Profile pictures from a decade ago. Guys posing by borrowed Ferraris. Dana once booked lunch with one man and dinner with another on the same day. The first sized her up like a fitness test. The second did not look like his photos. If you lie about your picture, what else are you lying about?
Organic connection starts to look a lot better.
Bedroom Blunders That Turn Into Gold
We have all tripped in heels, fallen off the bed, or misfired a sexy plan. Michelle once rolled off the bed mid-act. Full body. Flat to the floor. They took a beat and kept going on the carpet. That is midlife energy. Adjust. Improvise. Resume.
Foreplay at this age is not a marathon. It is not cosplay unless you want it. Sometimes it is a filthy little text at lunch. Sometimes it is “check the box” in the morning so you can sleep at night. Playfulness. Communication. Speed over spectacle. A good quickie still counts.
Vulnerability Is a Power Move
Midlife teaches that vulnerability is strength. We were told it is a weakness. In truth, it takes more courage to open up than to shut down. Femininity has power, especially in male-dominated rooms. Stop trying to be one of the boys. Own the fact that you are not.
Dana will tell you she is “surface vulnerable” but struggles to go deep. That is fine. Some layers are earned. Not given away for free.
Laugh Harder. Get Wetter. In Every Way.
From menopause madness to marriage makeovers, we are proof that the second half of life can be the sexiest if you let it. We are not sugarcoating the dryness, the hot flashes, the dating disasters, or the rogue ear itches. We are here to normalize it, laugh about it, and hand you a coconut oil tip or two.
If you want permission to stop giving a damn, to laugh harder, and to get wetter in every way, join us. Moist, not accidental urination. Hot Flashes and Bold Moves is the podcast midlife women need. Unfiltered. Hilarious. Honest. A little inappropriate.
If menopause had a mascot, we would punch it in the face and buy it a drink. In that order.
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👉Hot Flashes, Bold Moves & Way Better Orgasms
– Episode 25